I Shouldn’t Be Here, BUT Because I am…
It can often be extremely difficult to stop and reflect amid the hustle and bustle of this season – especially in my line of work. This week, however, has been something of a different experience in that I’ve felt like there were moments where I paused unknowingly as if I was living a kind of mirage.
For those of you who know my story, a little over 7 years ago my life needed a shock factor awakening; but at the time, I didn’t realize it. I was just getting into the thick of many responsibilities in business, in politics, and in life; and I became so overwhelmed that I left every semblance of my health fade into the abyss. I had become dependent on stress, fast food, approval of others, alcohol, and perfectionism in every aspect of my life that I forgot my purpose and the who to which that purpose and plan comes. I had spiraled beyond what I ever told myself I would into a person I told myself and others I would never become. I needed radical change, and I needed it sooner rather than later.
Then came two strokes a couple days apart from each other that left me in a world of pain, depressed, and for a period immobile. When the doctors gave me the medication push that they did that week, they told me that it would feel like I was having a heart attack that I would effectively “fall asleep” and eventually wake back up hopefully able to walk again. I had never had a heart attack, so I didn’t know quite what they meant; but if it’s anything like what I felt that day, I don’t ever want to come close to that feeling ever again. I did wake up and was able to walk out of that hospital room later that night; but after countless tests and appointments with every specialist under the sun plus, my doctors pulled me in for a meeting and basically said I needed to drastically change how I was treating my body because if I didn’t then I likely wouldn’t see 2021... Mind you, this news came at the age of 24 and prior to any semblance of the COVID-19 debacle that would have likely knocked me out completely had I not taken my doctor’s advice seriously from that day forward.
It wasn’t easy to completely uproot everything I knew about my physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, and social health; and if I’m honest with you, it is an everyday process and will likely continue to be for the rest of my life. At one point, I was on 14 different medications, a CPAP machine, and even had to have surgery to assist with some of the issues I was facing; but now, 7 years later, I sit here in my 3rd bonus year on NO medications except your daily vitamins, NO CPAP machine, and feeling better than I ever have about where, what, and who God has placed in my life since including my fiancé.
This week, my story has come up naturally more times than I would have ever imagined during a political campaign. Some would say that this idea of running to something instead of against something is a powerful stance and it is. Others would say that our healthcare system is more sick-care than healthcare – and that’s true too in most cases. However, it’s even deeper than that. Vivek and Apoorva continue to remind us that through everything we do that God has us each here for a purpose; and it is our job to find that purpose and live it out to the fullest knowing that he will equip us at every stage along the way.
The reality is that I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be in the position that I am, doing the things that I do, with my future wife supporting me every step of the way. I shouldn’t be able to walk let alone complete all the objectives that are before me every day. I shouldn’t be able to make the impact or assist others in making a broader impact on this world; BUT because I am and because God is not done with me yet, I will do whatever is required and go wherever is necessary to fulfill that purpose which He has placed before me for such a time as this. I shouldn’t be here; BUT because I am, I will love and respect others despite our differences. I shouldn’t be here; BUT because I am, I’ll put my health above my selfish need to gain the approval of others. I shouldn’t be here; BUT because I am, I will serve God with everything I have in whatever capacity and for however long he grants me. I should be here; BUT because I am, I will not sit idly by hoping that my life and the lives of others will change for the better just because someone or some government tells me to trust them that it will be ok.
I put my trust in Christ alone, for His provision is everything I need in every circumstance and in every situation. This life is not an easy one and it is not for the faint of heart; but the impact beyond our worldly objectives in far greater when we place fear behind us and walk in faith with courage toward that which God has ordain for each of us if we put obey, trust, and abide in His promises above it all.
“The longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows; The more that I love Him, more love He bestows; Each day is like heaven, my heart overflows; The longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows.”
